Counts Of Four
by Sweedledome
Summary: "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder." Chloe looks sadly at Beca who is still examining her hands with an unusual intensity. "I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder." One Shot. Bechloe themes.


_**I apologise if I got anything wrong about OCD with this. I don't have OCD myself but one of my best friends does. I'm going by the symptoms she has and how she describes it and how we all deal with it.**_

* * *

Counts Of Four

"It's not perfect yet." A phrase Chloe regularly hears from Beca's lips. So Beca's a bit of a perfectionist? Chloe guessed that from her unusually organised dorm room (no college student should be that neat). Chloe can wait, it's obviously something Beca feels strongly about so she respects the brunette's privacy and makes a point to never push Beca to let her listen to a mix until she feels it's ready.

The first time Chloe picks up on just _how_ important it is to Beca is when she's lurking around the radio station, waiting for Beca to finish her shift, and she hears the tail end of a conversation between her and Jesse….well, an argument.

"I don't understand why you won't let me help!"

"Leave it Jesse!" Aaaand, there's Beca's angry voice.

"Why? Beca, I want to work on movie scores, I _get _creational problems with music, I can offer an outside opinion."

"It's not perfect yet!" Chloe begins to worry. She's never heard Beca this upset before.

"I know, that's why I'm offering to help. Beca, I understand that you want to do this on your own but you've got to accept some help from time to time! Stop being so damn proud!"

"I'm not being proud!" There's an odd quality to the younger girl's voice, an odd fullness that betrays what could be a tidal wave of emotion….but Jesse keeps pushing.

"Yes you are! You can't keep complaining about being stuck on a mix then get angry when I try and listen!"

"Yes I can because you had no right to do that! I told you I didn't want you listening to it!" And then Beca's appearing out the door in front of Chloe, obviously having stormed away from Jesse whose voices carries out after Beca.

"For fuck's sake Beca, it's not that big of a deal!" Chloe is alarmed to see watery eyes, something she's never seen on Beca before. Beca slams the door behind her and stops suddenly as she spots Chloe there.

"Hey are you okay?" Chloe asks hesitantly.

"I know we were supposed to get coffee but I need to be alone right now." Beca states shortly, avoiding Chloe's gaze.

"But-"

"_Please_ Chloe." Beca's voice is trembling as she continues to look at the ground, hands twitching around each other frantically. Chloe wants to give the girl a hug but something holds her back…which is bizarre because normally there's nothing telling Chloe to hold back when she wants to give someone a hug. There's a warning system going in her head though, her subconscious is screaming that a hug would be a bad idea right now.

"Okay…maybe we can hang out later?" Chloe questions softly. Beca gives a terse nod and starts walking briskly towards her dorm. She appears at Chloe's room four hours later and they don't speak of it. They relax and listen to music and talk but they don't bring up Beca's behaviour. When Beca eventually ends up staying the night, she allows Chloe to cuddle into her which lets Chloe know she's done the right thing.

It doesn't stop her mind from whirring though and as she and Beca begin to spend more time together, Chloe begins to notice things. Little quirks that seem to hold more weight with Beca than anyone seems to realise.

"Hey Becs, can I have some of your water please? I'm really thirsty." Chloe asks one time halfway through an intense bout of Aubrey enforced cardio.

"Sure…can you take four sips please?" Beca asks, holding the water bottle out for Chloe.

"Rationing for the great water shortage are you?" Chloe winks.

"No…I mean, you can take four big glugs if you want but it has to be four."

Chloe gives her a questioning look, Beca merely shrugs nonchalantly…but Chloe can see the nervousness in her eyes so she dutifully raises the bottle to her lips four separate times. Beca's body relaxes and she says 'thanks' like it's no big deal but Chloe still feels like something significant just happened. It becomes a thing and eventually Beca stops reminding Chloe to take four each time because Chloe does it automatically.

Then there's the nose thing. Beca has an eyelash on her nose one day and, without thinking, Chloe reaches up and brushes it off. Beca begins to scratch her nose in obvious discomfort…or at least Chloe assumes that's what she's doing, but there's something weird about the way she's scratching. It seems very…regular, four strokes to the top of the nose, four strokes out to the side, four strokes across the top, four strokes to the bottom. Maybe her nose was just really itchy? But then Stacie knocks into Beca a couple of days later at rehearsal and bumps Beca's face with her shoulder. Beca does the exact same pattern again, quickly and subtly once the other Bellas have stopped fussing over her.

At that point Chloe begins noticing lots of little things that Beca seems to do to a count of four, right down to the little pattern she liked to tap on Chloe's hands when Chloe started making hand holding a thing. Chloe has her suspicions but anytime she hints at her thoughts, Beca becomes distressed and changes the subject. It doesn't seem like a big deal so Chloe leaves it…until one night when it's unavoidable.

The Bellas are making their way to a karaoke bar for an even of drunken wailing into a microphone. Everything is going great as they walk to the bar, jokes are flying back and forth about Beca and Chloe who seem to have ended up with linked hands again, Amy's somehow already managed to pick up a new boy toy on the way and Beca seems as relaxed as Beca gets…until the Bellas cross the road. At this point everyone in the Bellas is aware that Beca likes to cross the road at the specifically designated crossings. She says that her mum raised her to always cross at a pedestrian crossing and nobody questioned it. Chloe suspected there might be more to it but she didn't have confirmation until now. Beca is stood frozen next to her, watching the Bellas wander across the deserted road. The crossing is a bit further up the road, not really far away but far enough that going to it would be an unnecessary detour.

"Come on Little Bit, there's no traffic, you're not going to die." Cynthia Rose call back to where Chloe and Beca are still stood at the side of the road.

"It's okay Becs, we'll go to the crossing."

"No. It's fine." Comes the terse reply.

"Beca…"

"It's fine Chloe." Beca takes a deep breath and steps out into the road. They cross quickly and catch up to the other Bellas who are still joking, not realising anything happened. Chloe's gaze keeps flicking back to Beca though. The DJ's grip is firm in her hand and Chloe can see the muscles in Beca's jaw clenching. As they walk further and further, Beca's breathing becomes heavier and heavier. Suddenly she collapses. The Bellas all gasp and crowd round the miniscule figure huddled into a ball on the ground, her head in her hands, rocking back and forth in what Chloe happens to notice is perfectly timed counts of four.

They ask her what's wrong and try to get her up but Beca doesn't seem to hear them, she keeps rocking. Chloe gets the Bellas to back off and be quiet.

"I'm right here Becs, I'm right here. Everything is fine. Listen to my voice."

"Can'tbreathe." It comes out in a gasp, Chloe heart beats a little too heavily as she watched Beca's mouth opening and closing, unable to draw in air.

"Yes you can, do it with me now. Breathe in through your nose…two…three…four. Then out through the mouth…two…three…four. In…two…three…four, and out….two…three…four." Beca's rocking begins to slow after a while and Chloe is relieved to see she appears to be breathing normally. "Tell me what you need Becs. You have to tell me what you need."

"Where we crossed, get me back to where we crossed." Comes the whispered reply. Chloe gently coaxes Beca up.

"What's wrong with her?" Aubrey asks softly, confusion and worry colouring her tone. The other Bellas all eye a twitching Beca with concern.

"She's having a panic attack."

"Should we get her to a hospital?" Stacie asks.

"She'll be fine but we need to go now."

"We're coming with you." Aubrey immediately responds.

"No." The other Bellas all begin to protest but Chloe quickly silences them. "No, I mean it guys. Go to the bar." Chloe's expression is firm and the others slowly acquiesce, sensing that Chloe's not going to take any arguments on this one. Chloe and Beca walk in silence as they hurry back to the road. Once there, Beca retraces her steps exactly in reverse and lets out a huge sigh of relief once she's back on the other side. Chloe follows and stands in silence, waiting for Beca to say something.

"Back to the dorm?" Chloe nods and leads the way. She smiles as she feels Beca reach for her hand. Once back, Chloe sits on Beca's pristine bed and wonders how she didn't notice straight away because, really, _NO _college student should have a dorm room this tidy. Beca sits in her desk chair and spends a few moments fiddling with her fingers before she speaks.

"Obsessive Compulsive Disorder." Chloe looks sadly at Beca who is still examining her hands with an unusual intensity. "I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

"I guessed as much…why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's stupid! All these things I do are so stupid! Everything has to be done in fours and I know that's bullshit, that it doesn't make any difference but I _need_ to do them. Otherwise I just can't stop thinking about how I haven't done them and I can't breathe properly and I _have _to do them." Beca stands back up and paces angrily to and fro. Chloe can't help but spot she stakes four steps either way before turning around.

"It's not stupid Becs."

"But it is. Do you see anybody else collapsing because they crossed the road without having a dip in the kerb at a set crossing where they have to put their left foot on the road first and then have it leave the road first on the other side? No, because they don't feel like someone they love is going to get hit by a car unless they do it! Every step we took all I could think was 'Chloe's going to die. Someone's going to run her over unless I go back and fix it'." Beca's voice is getting increasingly distressed as she paces and Chloe decides not to touch for now but speaks in reassuring tones.

"Beca, it doesn't have to be a big deal. Tell us what you need and we'll do it. If you always need to go to a crossing, even if there's no traffic, then that's what we'll do. It's like when you asked me to take four sips of your drink, you told me once and now I do it all the time and you don't get stressed by me taking your drink."

"It's embarrassing if I have to ask you guys to do that though!" Beca sighs and comes to a halt in front of Chloe, rubbing her hand at the bridge of her eyes.

"More embarrassing than having a panic attack in the middle of the street?" Beca freezes and takes in Chloe's quirked eyebrow and teasing look.

"Shut up." She tries to scowl but ends up smiling and laughing with Chloe.

"There's the smile I was looking for." Chloe smiles and reaches for Beca's hand, pulling her gently to sit down next her on the bed. They're silent for a moment as the mood sobers once more.

"…what do I do Chloe? The others are going to be asking about this." Beca says sadly.

"So tell them you have OCD."

"But what if they ask questions?"

"Then answer them, they aren't going to care Beca."

"That's not…you don't understand." Beca's averting her gaze again and Chloe can tell she's starting to clam back up. She strokes the back of Beca's hand gently with her thumb.

"Shh, Beca, look at me. It's just you and me. Just Beca and Chloe. There's no one else here. Deep breaths okay?" Beca takes in a steady breath and nods before clearing her throat and speaking in a calmer voice.

"I…I don't like talking about it…at all. I don't know what it is but as soon as someone starts asking me questions I suddenly feel like I can't answer. That's one of the reasons I like being around you so much, because I can ask you to do weird things to make me feel better and you don't question it, you just do it. I love that. Anybody else I wouldn't have given my drink to because I knew they'd ask why they had to take four sips…but you didn't, you took four sips and handed me my drink back. It made me feel normal. When people ask it makes me feel like I'm doing something really weird and then I panic. I _want _to tell them. I want to say 'because I have OCD and I'll freak out if you don't take four' but…I don't know how to explain it. I just _can't. _You…you make me feel normal about it. I've never been able to talk to anyone else about this before because it always makes me feel abnormal."

"What if you told me things?" Beca cocked her head curiously at Chloe. "I mean, you can tell me what you need right?" Beca nodded. "So tell me, then I can tell the Bellas. Tell them that you don't react well to questions. They won't push you if I tell them what's running through that tiny little head of yours." Beca gives a reluctant little smile at Chloe's last jab and gentle shoulder nudge.

"That…that could work I suppose. How are you so casual about all of this?" Beca asks curiously. Chloe shrugs.

"Because you're Beca. You could have tentacles for all I care, you mean a lot to me and this is such a tiny part of you. Yeah, you have OCD but you're also an amazing DJ, you speak fluent sarcasm, have a secret love for watching Scooby Doo and so many more things. Things that have nothing to do with your OCD but make you _you._" Beca's mouth turns up at this and Chloe has to swallow the lump in her throat that's begging her to kiss that mouth.

"You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that. I was so worried about how you'd react if I told you." Beca softly says.

"What do you mean? How did you think I'd react?" There's silence for a moment but Chloe doesn't say anything. She knows it takes a while for Beca to get emotions out.

"…it's different to the usual reaction I'm used to getting. My dad's been so focused on it ever since I was diagnosed. The first time I had a panic attack it was because he thought I was deliberately trying to wind him up by refusing to leave a shop until I'd organised all the pencils into colour order. I don't know why I had to, I just saw them and I knew they had to be better coordinated. He tried to drag me away and I ended up getting so worked up I stopped breathing until I passed out. I got diagnosed after that and ever since then he's always been so careful around me. So careful to not set me off. He makes everything about it. If I say I don't want to do something, he asks if it's because of my OCD, if I say I'm feeling sad, he starts going on about how depression can be a really serious side effect of OCD, if I say don't want to talk about something, he asks if I need to see a therapist about the OCD. Everything always come back to it with him and sometimes I feel like I'm not even a person in his eyes anymore."

"It sounds like he's just trying to help you."

"I know he is and I do love him but he's so overprotective and it's starting to get in the way of my life. It's why he doesn't want me to go to LA. He doesn't think I'll be able to cope on my own. He even said he'd move out there with me. Ugh. This whole college thing is supposed to be a trial run to show I can live without him."

"Maybe because you're always trying to do it on your own? He's probably worried you won't ask for help if you need it because you never ask him for help. Show him you can lean on other people if you need to." Beca shakes her head morosely.

"Nobody wants to be dealing with my insecurities like that."

"Are you really that blind Becs?" Chloe asked softly. Beca looked up from her hands to reply but Chloe lent straight in before she could speak and placed a firm kiss on Beca's lips. There was a moment's heart wrenching pause before Chloe felt Beca's lips begin to move back against her own. It was brief but most definitely not a 'just friends' kiss and Chloe couldn't deny the way her heart felt like it was doing an enthusiastic Macarena. They stayed silent for a moment, foreheads resting together as they breathed in each other's air. "Beca…I want to be dealing with _everything _about you."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

* * *

**Two months later**

"Hey Little Bit, could I get a sip of that?"

"Sure thing." Chloe smiled as Beca flung her bottle towards Cynthia Rose who took four sips without even thinking about it. All the Bellas did it now, even when not drinking from Beca's bottle. It was amazing how quickly the group adapted to Beca's needs. They take care not to touch Beca's nose, they automatically go to crossings even if it's a bit out of the way and not once do they mention Beca's OCD. The silent promise to not make Beca feel irregular had worked wonders on the DJ and everyone noticed the new air of ease with which Beca carried herself. Chloe even noticed the improved relationship between Beca and her father as Professor Mitchell became less paranoid about his daughter's well-being when she became less brooding.

Chloe sighed happily as her girlfriend (squeeee! Her _girlfriend_. At last.) retrieved her water bottle and settled next to Chloe on the chairs, her hand automatically reaching for Chloe's so she could drum out that familiar pattern on the red head's hand, a steady rhythm in counts of four.


End file.
